6 Steps to Find Your True Self

Embarking on a journey of self-discovery is one of the most important and empowering things that you will ever do. When you know who you are and understand your purpose in life, you will become more confident in yourself and what you’re here to do in this world. The journey of self-discovery has helped me to amplify my strengths, strengthen my weaknesses and build community with people on a similar path to me. Finding myself has also been the key to building a career centered on my passions and that leverages my natural gifts and abilities. But it wasn’t always like this for me.

There was a time when I was deeply confused about my life purpose. I would wake up in the morning with feelings of anxiety but with no clue as to why. I would experience brain fog almost every second of the day and feel frazzled and overwhelmed (even on the weekend!). Time was moving, life was passing but I felt like I was at a standstill. How do you move forward in life when you don’t know which direction to take? And how do you know which direction to take if you don’t even know the destination?

 Over the years of seeking and all the many revelations that have unfolded, I’ve come to learn a thing or two about what it takes to find your true self and live a life of purpose.

1. Drown out the noise.

Learning about yourself often requires that you get still and be quiet away from the distractions of the outside world. Family, friends and coworkers will make demands on your time and there will always be something new to look at on social media or watch on the TV. But if you want to get to know yourself then it’s important that you create strong boundaries around your time. Whether it’s getting up earlier in the morning, dropping by the park on your way home from work for some downtime or turning off the notifications on your phone, even 20 minutes of space to be still is incredibly clarifying.

 2. Ask questions about your life.

Many people struggle to find their true self and experience a life of purpose because they’ve never questioned themselves and frankly, they don’t even know the questions to ask. I’ve come across many people in my life and work who have found themselves stuck and confused, unsure about who they are or what they should do with their life but unequipped with the skills to solve their own dilemma. 

One of the most important skills to develop on the journey of self-discovery is deep questioning.  When you can approach every aspect of your life from health and relationships, to career and money to spirituality and family with curiosity you’ll gain insights about yourself and your choices and how they’ve shaped your current reality. 

I consider myself to be an expert “question-asker” and so to support you in your journey I created a PDF with 57 self-discovery questions to help you do deeper so that you can become the person you are destined to be and live the life you were meant to live.

Download it by clicking the image below.

3. Learn the history of your people.

There are too few self-discovery books, articles or resources that highlight the value of knowing the stories of your ancestors as a part of the process of knowing yourself. I personally thought I had a pretty solid idea of who I was and my purpose, until a stirring in my spirit forced me to go even deeper and begin exploring my cultural and racial identity.

Whether there is any proof or truth to this, I believe that the fear, the struggles, the attitudes and the passions of our ancestors live inside of us, just as we share their DNA. I believe that we hold their stories in our cells and in the fabric of our entire lives. 

Maybe you’re terrified of pregnancy with no idea why, until you learn that your great grandmother died during childbirth; maybe your purpose is to heal the generational fear of pregnancy and create a new narrative around motherhood. Maybe you live a life of great privilege or wealth but somewhere in your family line your ancestors struggled and toiled; maybe your purpose is to motivate others to create legacies their families can benefit from, just as you have.  Maybe you’re feeling restless and unfulfilled in your corporate job until you learn you come from a long line of nomads and find new ways to add adventure to your life.

Your future rests in the past. 

4. Write your stories down.

You’ve already lived a million stories that give insight into who you are, the decisions you make and what you believe about yourself and what you’re capable of doing in this world. Whether you realize it or not, your stories are powerful windows into your heart and soul. What are the fun, the tragic, and the passionate stories of your life? What role or character did you play in each story? Were you the leading lady, the hero, the villain, the sidekick, a supporting character… an extra? Does the role you played feel truthful to who you are? Does it feel truthful to who you want to be?

5. Tap into the wisdom of your body.

All day, every day we are experiencing feelings in response to situations happening in our life, but so often we don’t pay attention to these feelings until they’re so intense we don’t have a choice. Even still we may not pay attention to the feeling because we are too busy focused on our behavioral response. We all have wisdom and a knowing that is available to us if we create the space and stillness to actually access it. When you’re operating in alignment with who you really are, you feel in flow. Calm, peace, joy, happiness and love begin to flow into your life.

In everyday life and when faced with difficult decisions, I know that when I feel joy, peace and calm (and sometimes butterflies), that I am making moves that are in alignment with who I really am. 

6. Ask your friends and family “what comes with me.”

One of the first business coaches encouraged me to ask this question to my friends and family. Back then I truly believed that I was a high-energy, extroverted, life of the party. I had subscribed to the idea that I was fun and light-hearted and so everything I created and strived for was along these lines. My first brand color palette was a series of almost fluorescent colors reminiscent of spring break in Miami Beach. I was attached to who I thought I was and how I wanted people to think of me.

Pretty early on in my investigation though I learned that I was attached to an idea of myself that didn’t align with reality. My friends and family all had the same feedback. 

“You are deep and analytical.”

“You always have so many questions to ask.”

“You can talk about any topic that comes up.”

“You have so much to say about everything.”

“You always help me to see perspectives I hadn’t thought of.”

It helped me to realize that sometimes we need an outside perspective to give clarity to who we really are, remembering that not all feedback will feel true but will still give contrast.

The journey to find your true self can be one filled with confusion, doubt and second-guessing yourself. But it is also a deeply gratifying and stabilizing experience to be able to say “I know who I am” and to become more confident in the decisions you make and the direction that you’re headed. To wake up with intention and live a life with purpose is an incredible reality that you will experience as you remain curious about your life.

Comment below and let me know what are your next steps in the journey of self-discovery.

Have a question about life or purpose? Have an idea for a blog post you’d like me to write? Send me your ideas or ask me anything.